Bag of Ideas

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February 2012

mahpiohanzia

dictionaryofobscuresorrows:

n. the disappointment of being unable to fly, unable to stretch out your arms and vault into the air, having finally shrugged off the ballast of your own weight and ignited the fuel tank of unfulfilled desires you’ve been storing up since before you were born.

Jan 31, 20123,571 notes
Play
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January 2012

Jan 31, 2012180 notes
#every morning when my parents see what I'm wearing #whatever they just don't understand FASHION
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#girl #fire #destruction
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#Illustration #Nic Squirrell #painting #rain #graphic design
Taking a class on blogging

Does that mean I can be on tumblr during class. Lol no. But the reading mentioned tumblr as a platform and I legit squeed. Omg, could you imagine me using this kind of language in a class essay?

Quote in projector is by Jimmy Wales. The GIVE ME YOU MONEYZ. Guy.

No sleep. Hyper and messed up. And in a class about tumblr Blogging

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GO, CHARADE, YOU CAN DO IT!

I’ll try, I’ll try. Thanks for the support!

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Jan 31, 20122,701 notes
2500 word paper due at 5pm. Class from 1:30pm until 5:30pm

haven’t started writing. panic. frozen. ideas not sticking together. Can’t skip class, semester just started. Already missing school work. Can’t not do essay, can’t get extension - this has already been extended a month. I’ll get it done, more than likely. I’ll feel sick, I won’t sleep, I force my way, I’ll barely make it. I’ll throw off my sleep even more than it already is. I’ll start everything off wrong, I’ll still get a good grade and I will never fix this.

I’m frozen still, but my body feels like it is vibrating out of it’s skin. Ideas keep whishing by. A bare outline, maybe. I can destract myself, but even that is started to fade. Even looking through tumblr, I can feel a vibrating sense of numbness creeping up and swallowing me.

Fuck this panic. I keep saying one day I will just crack. That one day it will be to much and I’ll find some way to fix it or give up for good. But that day… never seems to come. And I am left like this, and then I recover, slowly, until the next paper rolls around.

All my courses this semester are writing intensive. I cannot get another withdraw on my transcript. Maybe this is it?

Jan 31, 2012
#panic #anxiety #learning disability #paper #school #college #writing #all nighter
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#obession #mental illness #intrusive thoughts #knives #anxiety #phobia #irrational thinking
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